While it’s not always perfect, modern media has come a long way regarding how it depicts mental health. Some of my favorite shows from the 2000s casually joke about OCD, depression, bipolar disorder, and even suicide — and those are the shows that have aged better than most from the era. But mental health awareness, education, and representation have made a difference, resulting in more compassionate and accurate storylines than what we saw just 20 years ago.
But when it comes to suicide in particular, I too often hear people use outdated, harmful, and stigmatizing language in conversation — and that’s a problem that needs addressing.
Experts Featured in This Article
Wendy Martinez Farmer, a licensed professional counselor and the vice president of 988 Strategy, Grants, and Clinical Standards.
Why Language Matters
While our understanding of the best practices regarding how we speak about mental health conditions is always evolving, currently, it’s understood that it’s best to say that someone has “died from suicide” rather than “committed.” It’s also important to avoid blaming a suicide death on one particular cause, such as a breakup or job loss.
And although being conscious of the words you use in personal conversations might feel stilted at first, it’s worth making the extra effort — because how we talk about suicide can have measurable impacts on the people around us.
“Language matters,” says Wendy Martinez Farmer, a licensed professional counselor and the vice president of 988 Strategy, Grants, and Clinical Standards. “When the word ‘commit’ is used, it places blame, even if inadvertently, on the individual. Using the term ‘died by suicide’ removes the stigma and acknowledges that suicide is a complex action with pain, and often a struggle with depression or other illnesses, and very real day-to-day tragedies at the root.”
Similarly, speculating about the reason for someone’s death or attributing their death to one specific cause — such as blaming a celebrity’s death on a breakup — perpetuates the misconception that a single factor can cause suicide, when in reality there are multiple risk factors, symptoms, and causes linked to suicide. Speculation may also lead you to speak about suicide as a common response to a particular challenge, when treatment (including support networks and education about coping tools) can help people with suicidal ideation.
Other misconceptions that can make their way into our language include the idea that suicidal ideation and suicide is an attention-seeking behavior, a belief that can dissuade people from offering appropriate help to those in distress.
Additionally, when suicide is actually linked to a victim’s mental health — as it should be — it’s still sometimes framed as a selfish or cowardly act. But death by suicide is usually the end of a long internal battle.
As Martinez Farmer explains: “Far too many individuals have the false belief that their loved ones would be better off without them . . . Many we have lost to suicide are some of the most courageous persons I have ever known. They are holding on until they just can’t any more.”
Again, being conscious of the way that you speak can feel unnatural at first. But when it comes to something as serious as suicide, it’s essential. You don’t always know who around you has been affected by suicide, either personally or through someone they love. And these days, our words often travel further than we might expect, especially when we’re posting or commenting on social media.
Choosing the right language can help destigmatize those who die by suicide, Martinez Farmer says. But it can also help those currently suffering from suicidal thoughts. “We also always want to ensure our language does not dissuade individuals, who may be suffering, from seeking life-saving help. The more we normalize these feelings and actions, instead of criminalizing them, the more likely we can break down some of the barriers to help this stigma,” she says.
In the United States, suicide is the tenth leading cause of death for those ages 10 to 64, and the third leading cause of death among teens, the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention reports. Globally, more than 700,000 people die from suicide annually, according to the World Health Organization, and countless others survive suicide attempts. Suicide is a public health issue — not a crime, a sin, or a stunt — and it should be discussed as such. And as Martinez Farmer said, your words matter more than you might realize. When it comes to conversations about suicide, they may have the power to save lives.
If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, the National Alliance on Mental Illness has resources available including a helpline at 1-800-950-NAMI (6424). You can also dial 988, the nation’s new mental health crisis hotline.
Elizabeth “Liz” Enochs is a queer writer from southeast Missouri. She’s the author of the nonfiction prose chapbook “Leaving the House Unlocked.”
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