In a shocking move that we all should have seen coming, Stephen Colbert was relieved of his Late Show duties yesterday. While CBS officials said the move was entirely about financials, most blamed parent company Paramount, which needs the approval of Donald Trump’s FTC to complete an $8 billion sale.
Colbert’s nightly comedy assaults on Trump weren’t helping matters, and he might have sealed his own fate when he joked about Paramount paying Trump $16 million over a controversial 60 Minutes story: “This kind of complicated financial settlement with a sitting government official has a technical name in legal circles. It’s ‘big fat bribe.’”
Here are 10 other more recent Trump burns that may have contributed to Colbert getting the pink slip…
“The Epstein saga is a total snoozefest. I mean, the most powerful man in the world is blocking information about a cabal of the rich, the famous and the royal, befriending a con man who regularly flies off in his private plane to his private island to do super illegal sex stuff. Then the con man is arrested. People are afraid he’s going to name names, but before he can, he mysteriously dies right after being taken off a suicide watch in a federal prison during the administration of the guy who is blocking the release of the information. Boring.”
“That (Epstein) controversy is causing so much trouble for Trump that he recently ordered it to be put in a cell and for the cameras to stop working for three minutes.”
On Trump’s chances of winning the Nobel Peace Prize: “I’m not sure they give an award for bombing people into submission. I think you’re thinking of the J.D. Power and Associates Award for Best Heavy-Duty Kablooey.”
“It’s possible Trump hasn’t made up his mind about bombing Iran because he’s too distracted by the stuff he wants to destroy here.”
“This weekend was Father’s Day, and Daddy got just what he wanted: No one came to Trump’s big stupid birthday parade.”
“Experts are saying ‘No Kings’ was the biggest protest in U.S. history. That means more people came together at the ‘No Kings’ rally than back when this country was actually fighting against kings.”
“Trump’s just getting revenge on Tinsel Town. He never won an Emmy for The Apprentice, and he was snubbed in the 1993 Oscars for his performance in Home Alone 2.”
“The last time a president bypassed a governor to send in the National Guard was 1965, when LBJ used troops to protect civil rights demonstrators in Alabama. So we’ve come full circle. Troops were deployed to protect protesters by Lyndon B. Johnson, and now they’re being used to threaten protesters by Donald B. Dick.”
“Ladies and gentlemen, a full-scale flame war has broken out between the world’s most famous besties, Donald Trump and Elon Musk — or as they’re known by their celebrity couple name, Two Huge Jagoffs.”
“Trump’s going to have to get one of those bumper stickers for his Tesla that says, ‘I bought this before Elon told everyone I was on Epstein’s plane.’”
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