The cancellation of Late Show With Stephen Colbert happened less than a week ago, but already the news cycle has taken multiple wild turns. Colbert delivered the news in a very measured and gracious way at the top of last Thursday’s episode. President Trump apparently had nothing more pressing to do Friday morning than gloat about it. Then anonymous CBS spokespersons tried to push back on the narrative that Colbert had been fired and that the show was cancelled for political reasons related to the long-gestating purchase of CBS’ parent company Paramount by Skydance Entertainment, leaking that The Late Show loses a reported $40 million to $50 million each year. Colbert was back Monday night for the first time since this figure hit the press, and he seemed pretty dubious about it, particularly since the show is #1 in the late-night ratings.
“Forty million’s a big number,” said Colbert in his opening monologue. “I could see us losing $24 million, but where would Paramount have possibly spent the other 16 mill— Oh yeah.”
After the first commercial break, Colbert tried to lighten the mood. Since he doesn’t want the show to make viewers feel sad or anxious, he invited out two musical performers: Weird Al Yankovic and Normal Lin-Manuel Miranda. The pair let Colbert know they were going to do a Coldplay number, but not a parody, since Yankovic couldn’t think of anything funnier than Coldplay.
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As Miranda and Yankovic started up a low-energy “Viva La Vida,” they turned the cameras on the audience, kiss-cam style, to see how they were enjoying it. After a pair of seeming regular audience members, it became a cavalcade of cameos: Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen, the latter kissing the former passionately; Jimmy Fallon and Seth Meyers, not quite connecting as they high-fived; Happy Gilmore 2 co-stars Christopher McDonald and Adam Sandler (with Robert Smigel behind them), snacking on Red Lobster popcorn shrimp props from an earlier bit; John Oliver and Jon Stewart, making lewd gestures. The kiss-cam ended on a cartoon Donald Trump, hugging and fondling a Paramount logo.
Suddenly, Colbert motioned for the performers to stop: he’d just received a note from Corporate, letting him know the song had been cancelled. “It says here this is a purely financial decision,” Colbert elaborated. “It says here that since you started playing that song, the network has lost, and I don’t know how this is possible, $40 to $50 million.”
Miranda refused to believe it: “Tell me this has nothing to do with who we just put a spotlight on.”
Colbert looked from Miranda to the memo: “There’s nothing in here that mentions that.”
After a few meta references to the generous send-off CBS gave Colbert in its original Thursday memo and a quote from 1984, the segment ended — for now. Colbert thanked Miranda and Yankovic for being here on his last show.
“You’re here for 10 more months,” Yankovic corrected him.
“Oh right,” Colbert replied, possibly already planning to return to this topic tomorrow — and every other night until next May.
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