VATICAN CITY—Stressing that His good moods never tended to last long, Pope Francis encouraged Catholics on Thursday to ask for what they wanted now while God Almighty, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, was in high spirits. “Whether you’re praying to Him for a promotion at work or to help shepherd a loved one through a difficult illness, my suggestion to the faithful is to get in while the getting’s good,” said the pontiff, who in an address to the world’s 1.3 billion Catholics indicated that the Creator of Heaven and Earth was clearly in one of the rare moods that once garnered Him a reputation as a just, loving, and merciful God. “I got a nice new window for St. Peter’s Basilica, some beautiful bespoke vestments to wear at Easter mass, and several antiabortion laws passed in the United States. He even threw in this stylish newsboy hat that I’ve always wanted. Isn’t that funny? I didn’t ask for it—He just knew! Anyway, act quickly, because a mood this good might not come around again for another millennium.” At press time, Vatican officials said the Lord’s temper had clearly soured and He should just be left alone, part of an apparent effort to walk back the pope’s remarks after God smote 3 million of His followers for no discernible reason.
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