Newest U.S. Aid Mission Just Single PowerBar Labeled ‘For Gaza’ Thrown Into Ocean

WASHINGTON—With more than 2 million displaced Palestinians facing the threat of famine, the U.S. Agency for International Development announced Monday it had fulfilled its pledge to provide food assistance, throwing a single PowerBar labeled “for Gaza” into the Atlantic Ocean. USAID reportedly alerted the war-torn region to be on the lookout for the foil-wrapped item, which the agency is counting on to float eastward from North America toward the Mediterranean Sea, and which includes a handwritten note with the instruction “DO NOT EAT unless Palestinian” underlined four times. According to officials, the en-route ProteinPlus PowerBar contains a full 20 grams of proteins and will ameliorate the catastrophic hunger presently being endured by a significant percentage of Gazans, so long as whoever finds it agrees to share it. Insiders confirmed that with the right currents and weather patterns, the chocolate-flavored meal replacement should reach Gaza by 2035, only two years after the expiration date.

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