Heather Locklear Doesn’t Deserve Her ‘Rick and Morty’ Name-Drop

If the Rick and Morty writers are going to canonically establish that prolific television actress Heather Locklear had sex with one of their gross and weird alien characters, they could have at least chosen one with a normal number of arms in the normal arm places.

In tonight’s new episode of Rick and Morty, “Morty Daddy,” the 14-year-old sidekick Morty made temporary amends with his estranged son Morty Jr., who is the unintended consequence of Rick caving in and buying Morty a sex robot from an alien pawn shop all the way back in Season One. Seeing as Morty Jr. takes most of his physical characteristics from the Gazorpian side of his “family,” he and Morty don’t have a lot of common ground, especially after Morty Jr. wrote the New York Times best-selling tell-all My Horrible Father.

However, Morty and Morty Jr. were able to bond over their shared, uh, “appetite,” which happens to be the source of most of their problems — and the destroyer of worlds, in Morty’s case. While father and son bragged about their sexual conquests, Morty Jr. reveals that the best lay of his life was Locklear, who probably didn’t mean that when she said she likes a man with big arms.

In “Morty Daddy,” Morty and Morty Jr. team up to rescue “Gwendolyn,” the fertility robot that Morty impregnated, from the garbage dimension where Rick dumps all his discarded and inexplicably sentient inventions. Upon discovering the grave where Gwendolyn rests, Morty Jr. says some tearful words of love, and Morty remarks that the lumpy alien’s sort-of mother was “the finest I ever had — well, top three. Top five, at least. … It’s high praise, your mom could really throw it back.”

And if that wasn’t gross enough, Morty Jr. shoots back, “I know a think or two about ranking whom I’ve slept with. Two words: Heather Locklear.”

Not even considering the fact that this uncomfortably horny conversation between father and son is happening with the mother’s discarded corpse in the frame, this scene is gross to the point of creepy in how it sexually objectifies the 63-year-old Melrose Place star through the eyes and other body parts of a lumpy alien lecher.

Seriously, the Rick and Morty writers could have at least given Locklear a half-decent lay if they’re going to use her for their locker room talk — maybe she could have spent a night with Mr. Nimbus instead.