Think about it, when’s the last time you watched a reel of adults just laughing? Or smashing a cake with abandon? Hopefully never, because such things sound obnoxious and cringe when an adult does them. But a baby explaining the plot of Star Wars? Hilarious.
The general hilariousness of babies is also why they’re frequently featured on sitcoms, either as a reliable source of “aw” moments like baby Lily from Modern Family or to deliver snarky, funny lines like Michelle Tanner in Full House (even if she’s unrealistically clever for a toddler).
But there’s yet another infant trope endemic to sitcoms: the violent baby. These babies’ cutesy moments are juxtaposed with acts of terrible violence, making for the very best — and least predictable — type of sitcom babies.
Maggie Simpson from ‘The Simpsons’
“Who shot Mr. Burns?” was one of the biggest questions of the mid-1990s. Still at the very height of its popularity, The Simpsons ended Season Six with Mr. Burns taking a bullet and just about everyone in Springfield had a motive. Paralleling Dallas’ “Who Shot J.R.?” gimmick from 1980, The Simpsons left fans wondering who took the shot for the entire summer of 1995. There was even a 1-800 number that fans could call to share their guesses.
Finally, the show revealed the culprit: the most innocent Springfieldian of all, baby Maggie Simpson. In a flashback from his hospital bed, Mr. Burns reveals Maggie was left alone in the Simpson family car (it was the 1990s, things were different) that fateful day. He then literally tried to steal candy from the baby, which proved difficult for Springfield’s feeble tycoon. During the struggle, Mr. Burns’ own handgun fell from its holster into Maggie’s lap and she inadvertently pulled the trigger. While this act of violence was a one-off for sweet Maggie, the hype and build-up of the reveal makes her worthy of inclusion here.
Morty Jr. from ‘Rick and Morty’
Morty Jr. is the son of Morty Smith and a Gazorpian sex robot from the planet of Gazorpazorp, where the males of the dominant species are violent, destructive monsters. Even though Morty tries to raise his son to be peaceful, nature quickly wins out over nurture. Even as a newborn, Morty Jr. barfs fire, and his first words are “death” and “domination.” Before long, Morty Jr. is fantasizing about killing his enemies, which he begins to do in a matter of days. The only reason Morty Jr. isn’t higher on this list is that, because of the rapid maturation of Gazorpians, he doesn’t technically begin killing until he’s a teenager.
Baby Sinclair from ‘Dinosaurs’
Most of what was on TGIF in the 1990s was saccharine crap, but the Jim Henson Creature Shop-produced Dinosaurs at least had a few funny characters in lazy Earl Sinclair, Earl’s rampaging boss B.P. Richfield and, best of all, Earl’s son Baby Sinclair. The cute, wisecracking baby’s best moments always happened with his father, who he only ever referred to as “Not the Mama!” He also enjoyed inflicting all sorts of violence upon his father, usually by smashing his head with a baseball bat, frying pan or similarly blunt object.
Bamm-Bamm Rubble from ‘The Flintstones’
After The Flintstone family gave birth to Pebbles in Season Three of The Flintstones, the writers finally gave her a playmate in Season Four when Barney and Betty find a baby on their doorstep with a note: “Please take care of Bamm-Bamm.” Barney remarks how strange the name is, but he soon realizes the origin of it when Bamm-Bamm grabs Barney’s finger and swings him around like a ragdoll, slamming him repeatedly against the stone floor.
Stewie Griffin from ‘Family Guy’
Who else could top this list but the most evil TV baby ever? Stewie Griffin’s main gimmick is that he’s a hyper-intelligent baby who constantly plots to murder his mother. Granted, Stewie hasn’t tried to murder Lois since Season Six of the show — which recently concluded its 23rd season — but it’s still one of the traits Stewie is most known for. Plus, maybe he’ll get back to plotting his mom’s death one day. After all, it’s way too soon to retire at just a year of age.
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