A recent launch tour for my new book, Living Well With Multiple Sclerosis, has wrung me out physically, filled me up emotionally, and loaded my writing topics bag to overflowing.
One of the things that struck me pretty squarely during my visit to America’s Pacific Northwest was that among the hundreds of people who came out to hear about the new book, only four of them had known me before I became acquainted with the disease so many of us on the forum share, multiple sclerosis (MS).
The Joy of Seeing Old Friends
I saw many old friends, scores of new acquaintances, and some old colleagues over the three weeks.
One of those who knew me before was a dear friend with whom I’d lost contact. It was lovely to see her and to hear that she has been recommending my book to several of her psychotherapy patients who are working their way through adjustment disorders due to one issue or another.
A second pal had been my florist for a good few years in my higher-earning days, when ordering flowers was something I could afford far more frequently than now. Over the years, I’ve continued to reach out to her whenever I needed to order flowers for a funeral or special occasion in America. She’s very good and has contacts just about everywhere.
Third is a man who had been a manufacturer’s representative for the final company I worked for before being forced out of working full time. We had a professional, working relationship that developed into a friendship before MS, and although it’s sometimes dormant for stretches of time, it’s still a strong and proper friendship.
Finally, there was a dear woman with whom I lived and loved for a number of years and who first brought me to the place that is now my home. She was with me during the early and most difficult years of my MS, and she bore the brunt of my poor dealings with those difficulties.
How ‘Before’ Friends Reflect the Changes in Me
When these old pals — those who knew me when I could seemingly still do it all — are seen alongside those who have known me only “after,” it can be a stark reminder of how far I’ve fallen from my former self.
Not everyone who has only known me since multiple sclerosis knows me because of MS. Some of these are friendships that have developed alongside my chronic journey. The disease and the way I live with it are just a part of our knowledge of one another.
Please don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that I’m less of a person, nor that any of us should be treated differently because of our disease or disabilities.
But the memories we forged with our “before friends” are different from those that have been made since. That there are fewer of those friends still around for many of us is also a factor that these meetings bring into stark relief.
Old or New, Friendships Change Over Time
Some of those old friendships fade by natural causes as we grow apart in our lives. Others go away a bit more dramatically, such as moving locations, changing jobs, or the “his, hers, and ours” division of friendships after a romantic breakup.
And, of course, some of us are abandoned by friends who cannot accept our new selves with the third wheel of MS along for the ride.
It was also a joy and honor to meet so many new people in the MS community while attending the long list of events in March. I suspect that some of them will develop into “after MS” friendships and colleagues, while others will stay warm acquaintances.
As winter turns to spring and I recover from that busy trip, I will remember the old and the new friends that the seasons of MS have moved around in my life.
Wishing you and your family the best of health.
Cheers,
Trevis
My new book, Living Well With Multiple Sclerosis, is now available. Follow me on the Life With MS Facebook page, and read more on Life With Multiple Sclerosis.
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