Comedy

A Day In The Life Of Samuel And Martha-Ann Alito

Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito and his wife, Martha-Ann, recently came under fire when it was revealed they had flown an upside-down American flag at a time when this was known to be a symbol of the “Stop the Steal” movement. Here’s a look into how the high-ranking judge and his spouse spend their days.

  • 6 a.m.: Email Ring camera footage of Hispanic postal worker to ICE.
  • 8 a.m.: Chant ‘Shame!’ at girls entering local high school.
  • 11:34 a.m.: Ask Starbucks barista if she’s wearing a wire.
  • 12 p.m–3 p.m.: General seething.
  • 4 p.m.: Google “What did Thomas Jefferson think about birth control pills?”
  • 6 p.m.: Crack open $10,000 bottle of wine gifted by close friend Tyson Foods Inc.
  • 8 p.m.: Touched By An Angel reruns.
  • 10 p.m.: Weekly scheduled kiss and 15-second hug.
  • 10:30 p.m.: Fall asleep to white noise of pigs being slaughtered.

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