3. ‘You’re Acting Like a Psycho’
Not only is this an inaccurate description of bipolar symptoms, but it reinforces the stigma associated with bipolar disorder, which is harmful and hurtful to those with the condition.
In reality, most people with bipolar disorder are kind and loving people who just happen to have a mental health condition that makes it difficult for them to regulate their moods, Hafeez says.
What Should You Say Instead?
Start by shutting down any hint of stigma by saying:
- “You’re not crazy. This is a medical condition.”
- “Having bipolar disorder does not affect your intelligence or character. This is an illness that does not define you.”
4. ‘You’re So Lucky You Get Manic Because You Get So Much Done!’
There’s nothing lucky about experiencing mania. Someone having a manic episode is often not in control of their thoughts and actions.
What Should You Say Instead?
Try using statements that help your friend or loved one feel seen for who they are, even in the midst of their manic episode, says Carl Nassar, PhD, a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Fort Collins, Colorado. For example, you might say:
- “You have so much to give, and I’m happy to see you do that more skillfully today.”
5. ‘I Thought You Were on Medication for That’
“It’s best to avoid making statements about the medications people with bipolar disorder are using, as it can spark feelings of shame if they are still struggling with certain symptoms despite taking their medication,” Dr. Easton says.
“As much as we would like to believe that medication can fix mental health symptoms, we know that they are part of a larger approach to supporting people with bipolar, not a cure,” Easton says.
- Psychotherapy, or talk therapy, geared toward mood stabilization and identifying and managing episode triggers
- Educational programs and support groups to help both people with bipolar disorder and their loved ones
- Creating a healthy routine, such as sticking to a consistent sleep schedule, exercising regularly, eating a nutritious diet rich in fruits and vegetables, and avoiding drugs and alcohol
What Should You Say Instead?
If they’re comfortable discussing their treatment plan, Easton suggests asking something like:
- “Do you feel like you’re getting the support you need from your providers and the treatments they’re giving you?”
- “Is there anything I can get or do to help you feel better now?”
6. ‘You Can’t Have Bipolar Disorder’
People may say things like “You can’t possibly have that!” either out of disbelief or as a way of trying to reassure their loved one that they’re okay.
“It may be hard to believe that a loved one is struggling with a disorder like bipolar disorder, unless you are with them most moments of each day for long stretches of time to observe the cycling symptoms,” Easton says. “Observing them in isolated moments of time does not give you the whole picture.”
What Should You Say Instead?
Let them know what you don’t know by asking about the specific symptoms that they experience, Easton says. For example, consider asking:
- “If it’s okay with you to share, what about bipolar disorder do you identify with? I’d like to hear more so I can know what to look for and how to support you.”
7. ‘Bipolar Disorder Doesn’t Give You an Excuse to Check Out From Life’
When someone with bipolar disorder is experiencing a depressive episode and everyday tasks are much more difficult for them to accomplish, it could cause the people around them to feel discouraged or frustrated.
Bear in mind, though, that the shame and stigma related to mental illnesses, especially bipolar disorder, can be very cumbersome for anyone experiencing it, Easton says. Because of this, it’s helpful to try to be patient with them, especially on hard days.
“It’s best to assume that people with bipolar disorder are all doing the best they can, so if they seem checked out, there is likely a good reason,” she says. “The best way to support someone in this state is through compassionate validation and offering to support.”
What Should You Say Instead?
Focus on being encouraging and supportive by saying something like:
- “I’m sure managing bipolar symptoms can be overwhelming at times. I’m here for you. Let me know when you’re in a dark place, and I’ll help you think of ways to re-engage in life.”
- “I care. What can I do to help while you’re going through this?”
The Takeaway
You want to support your loved one with bipolar disorder, but sometimes it’s hard to know what to say that can be helpful. In general, it can help to ask them about what their condition is like for them and how you can best support them rather than stigmatize them or make assumptions about their symptoms.
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