Last weekend, my sister, three daughters, and I headed over to my dad’s house, per his request, to sift through the piles of clothes, boxes, and abundance of pictures my precious mom had in her closet. My dad said he was growing disheartened seeing all her stuff and just wanted it cleared out. While it was emotionally draining for all of us, I wanted to honor my dad, so I hesitantly obliged.
Grief is weird and oddly uncomfortable. After my mom passed, I saw how each of my family members carried it quite differently, sometimes causing undo conflict or tension. My dad has always been outwardly strong, but after fifty years of marriage and the untimely and unexpected death of his beloved wife, I must admit he has embraced his tender and emotional side while also appearing numb or jaded at times. Her passing changed him drastically. Not necessarily in a good or bad way; he is just different. And to be fair, we all are.
In all honesty, I wish I could say that grief has this linear movement that gets better once you reach the end, but that’s not exactly what happens. At least for me, it tends to move in waves. There are highs and lows, good days and bad, and often, they clumsily collide, leaving me weeping and laughing at the same time.
That said, while it’s been a rough two and a half years, there is just something about heading into the autumn season that has a way of sweeping in an all-new wave of grief, essentially catching me off guard. Maybe because it softly summons grief with the changing of the leaves, whispering a stark reminder that while seasons change and the world keeps turning, my world has essentially stopped. She’s gone.
Friend, if this season is bringing on waves of grief that seem unbearable, while I wish I could say it gets better, that’s not always the case. However, I can say that in time, the burden becomes lighter and easier to hold. With the ushering of each new season, the waves have a way of lessening and not coming on quite as strong. That means that you can easily breathe again and, yes, even experience joy. I assure you that the sorrow will never fully disappear, as grief will always be a part of you, but there is hope!
Jesus provides healthy ways to confront our grief and offers comfort for our weary hearts. So, take heart, sweet friend, and let’s head into this beautiful autumn season with our eyes fixed on the One who will give us hope and grant us peace.
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Dagna Ellaby