There was a lot trigger for celebration on Monday’s episode of The Late Present, following New York Metropolis’s return to in-person education.
“It’s an thrilling day right here,” mentioned host Stephen Colbert. “For the primary time in 18 months, youngsters can get pleasure from class with out seeing their buddies’ dads wandering behind them in boxers—in the event that they’re fortunate.”
Naturally, Colbert famous, there have been “some hiccups” on the primary day of sophistication.
“The net well being screenings that households are required to fill out every morning had crashed by about 8 a.m., so some educators had been compelled to finish their very own screenings of how every baby was feeling that morning,” he shared. “‘Okay class, so I’ve learn your well being types. I see that a lot of you might be affected by ‘butt fever,’ ‘butt ache’ and ‘shortness of butt.’ Put a masks over your butt and are available on in.’”
After all, kids aren’t the one ones to inclined to Covid-19. The excellent news on this respect, from Colbert’s perspective, is that President Biden has issued “a plan” requiring non-public sector companies with upwards of 100 workers to mandate vaccines or weekly testing.
“That’s nice, okay? You need that sense of safety,” mentioned Colbert. “While you go right into a Starbucks, you need to really feel secure, till you see the toilet. ‘Are these, are these enamel?’”
Inevitably, he continued, “the protection measures enraged the lunatic fringe of anti-vaxxers, in any other case generally known as Republican governors.” Mississippi Governor Tate Reeves, for one, who lately tweeted, “That is nonetheless America, and we nonetheless imagine in freedom from tyrants.”
“Sure, refusing medical remedy is a part of a proud American custom,” deadpanned Colbert. “Who may overlook the immortal phrases of Patrick Henry, ‘Give me rubella and provides me dying. As a result of I need to die from rubella’?”
Try Colbert’s total opening monologue above.